Welcome to The Anatomy Of Love!

This is a learning website. What happens to you when you fall in love? Discover new things about attachment to another person, and yourself.

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Helen's Book: The Anatomy Of Love

What can this website do for me?

We are scientists, not astrologists, psychics, or kitchen witches. We don’t read tea leaves to tell you why you fall in love, whether a particular relationship will last forever, if your partner is cheating, or what phase the moon should be when you attempt a reconciliation. We’re not even love advisers, or wise friends giving advice. We’re not therapists, either. We help people manage love in a different way. We offer an educational and fun look at the surprising science behind romance and love. This will give you insights into yourself that will help you manage. We offer easy brain science, but we’re the “real deal.” We did the science. We give the TED talks about it, and we know the questions people need answered. We can help you understand why you feel the way you do, teach you how others in your situation tend to react, and give you some scientifically valid techniques and principles for maximizing your success in love. If you found your way here, you must be interested in love. And no wonder! Love is arguably the most powerful feeling of all. Yet it is also the most confusing. Whether you are currently in love, wondering if you will ever fall in love, losing the spark, or coping with heartbreak, we can help you understand and manage. You see, love is not just an emotion or feeling like euphoria and happiness. It is like hunger or thirst. That’s why it’s hard to control.

Who we are:

We are a pair of scientists, Lucy Brown and Helen Fisher, who are eager to help you. We want you to get to the root of your feelings, to understand and manage them. Lucy is a Clinical Professor in Neurology at New York’s Einstein College of Medicine. She holds a PhD in Experimental/Physiological Psychology from NYU. At Einstein, she spent more than 20 years as Director of the Laboratory for Functional Neuroanatomy and Movement Disorders, and has pioneered numerous groundbreaking studies on the neuroscience of romantic love.

Helen is a PhD Biological Anthropologist at Rutgers University and a Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute. Her work focuses on the evolution, brain systems, and cross-cultural patterns of romantic love, marriage, divorce, and infidelity. She is considered one of the leading experts in the field of love, and serves as Chief Scientific Advisor for Match.com. She has received the prestigious “Distinguished Service Award” from the American Anthropological Association. She has published books titled Anatomy of Love, Why We Love, and Why Him Why Her? Her TED talks have been viewed by millions.

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What is love?

There is a mother’s love, love of country, love of friends, brothers, sisters, even places and things. But we are talking about romantic love, and the love that brings partners-in-life together; the love that often brings partners together to raise children. In fact, we think that romantic love is just part of the whole human reproductive strategy, like sex. It is a survival strategy, too. We are protected by another’s strength and assets when we love each other. A definition of love we like is “The desire for emotional union with another person.” Or, “Love is a strong attraction that makes you want to spend time with someone else.” There is “companionate love,” too. That’s when the thrill is gone, but there is a deep, satisfying companionship and we still constantly seek the person who gives us this special companionship. For a quick, complete definition of romance that our science gives us, go here. It’s a 2 minute video. Or if you’d like to read more, go here. We actually don’t call love an emotion, like euphoria. Love is many emotions. We call love a motivation-- another person becomes a goal. It is a hunger or thirst.

Does love fade over time?

Romance can fade. When couples are together for 2-4 years, the novelty wears off. The butterflies disappear and many people worry that the romance is gone. Yet couples that stay together can enter an attachment phase, which is the basis for lifelong, comforting love, and they can keep some romance going. Are there are special brain systems for this? Yes! Thankfully, science teaches us that romance is a dopamine reaction in the brain. Newness and novelty increase the flow of dopamine, too, causing the rush of excited feelings that flood a new relationship. When that wears off, couples are at risk. So what’s the secret to success? Increasing your dopamine! As time goes on, it is great to take on new challenges as a couple. Even movies and TV shows can make you feel as if you had new and challenging experiences together just like the characters you watched. Thrillers raise your heart rate! All this can give you a shot of dopamine together and help you build relationship satisfaction. If you want a long-term relationship, we have things you can learn about long-term love.

What should I know about heartbreak?

As Emily Dickinson said, “Parting is all we need to know of hell.” Heartbreak is universal, and virtually every adult has been both its victim and its cause. Both men and women in the throes of heartbreak tend to do irrational things such as calling the beloved in the middle of the night, trying to seduce or convince that person to come back, and experiencing phases of fury in which they rant and shout about all the ways they were wronged. This is known as the protest phase. After it becomes clear that the relationship is over and the other person is not coming back, the heartbroken enter the resignation phase. This is the time when they appear to be carrying the weight of the world on their backs. They stop caring about the world around them, slip into sadness, and occasionally even develop symptoms of clinical mental health disorders. While most people do bounce back, it is interesting to look at why these reactions are so universal. It appears that through evolution, we were programmed to respond as if our social, economic, and genetic futures are at stake! Indeed, they are! No wonder we take romantic rejection so hard. But it’s totally natural, happens to everybody, and prepares you for your next relationship. Thank you for visiting TheAnatomyofLove.com. We hope to play an important role in your quest for long-lasting love.