Sex satisfaction in a romantic relationship. We all know that's important. We pretty much take it for granted. Yes, sex supports our species, but it also contributes a lot to our quality of life, to our feelings of well-being and to the quality of our relationship with our partner. We depend a lot on our partner for sexual satisfaction. Surprise, surprise! Satisfaction also depends on specific brain systems and even our genes.
In a study of recently married people, we asked them about their feelings of sexual satisfaction with their partners and looked at their brain scans to see what areas were correlated with those feelings. When we were scanning their brains to peek in at the activity, they were looking at a headshot of their partner and thinking romantic thoughts. Also, before the scan, we asked these questions: on a scale from 1-7 "How happy are you with your sex life with your partner?" and "How frequently do you and your partner engage in sexual activity?" (# times per week). First, it's interesting to know that sex frequency was not correlated with sex satisfaction. We all know that quality matters!
In the brain systems, sex satisfaction correlated with activity in classic, basic reward regions, like the ventral tegmental area, but only ALSO in correlation with a certain genetic profile. For activity in those reward brain areas to be relatively high in a person, and for them to have a relatively high sexual satisfaction score, they also had to have longer alleles than other participants for the vasopressin receptor in the brain. Vasopressin is a hormone that does many things from help us control thirst to help us bond with a partner. However, the receptors in our brains for the hormone have genetic variants. We are not all the same. It turns out that these genetic variants influence our level of activity in our reward systems and our feelings of sexual satisfaction in our relationships. Wow.
You've probably heard of the hormone oxytocin, which some call the "cuddle" hormone. The receptor for oxytocin in the brain also is not the same in all of us. There are genetic variants. Those variants influenced the sexual satisfaction score and the brain activity of the participants in the experiment. The brain activity was not necessarily related to rewarding feelings, but to cognitive activities like perceiving another person and oneself, empathy and paying attention to things. So, again, genes mattered but also cognitive, major higher-order thought processes mattered. It was not just the feel-good signals of the reward system, or just the hormonal signals from the hypothalamus where our hormones are controlled. It's complex! Here are quotes from the final paragraphs of scientific the paper:
"The present data highlight how positive sex acts in human pair-bonds, beyond reproduction, may facilitate neural processes that modulate complex psychological phenomenon, such as meaning-making, perspective-taking, cognitive/emotional intimacy, and closeness (Aron & Mashek, 2013; Acevedo,2017); and perhaps even more importantly the deliberate, self-regulatory processes to initiate and sustain them. The pattern of overall results suggests that positive and frequent sex acts in couples are associated withactivation of neural regions involved in reward hormone, attention, self-other, and self-regulatory processes. These circuits alsomediate processes related to mood, sleep, and physiological homeostasis (Olson et al., 2013). In sum, sex actsmay directly increase fitness by affecting
neurochemicals involved in physiological andpsychological processes; and indirectly by promoting stable and high quality pair-bonds to ensure love, care,and meaningful experiences to the coupled partners.
"Sexuality in humans is complex and it includes a variety of activities that are not obviously and
directly relevant to reproductive success. We found that a positively perceived sex life among pair-bonded individuals recruits a suite of brain regions associated with reward, emotion, attention, memory, physiological homeostasis; and complex cognitive processing suggesting self-other integration and empathy. Interestingly reward and hormone-control effects were stronger for individuals with oxytocin and vasopressin gene variants associated with complex social behaviors. We conclude that beyond reproduction, a satisfying sex life is a rewarding, healthy attachment variable that may support individual and relationship well-being; and to a greater extent for individuals with oxytocin and vasopressin variants that are associated with social behaviors.
From: Acevedo BP, Poulin M, Geher G, Grafton S, Brown LL. The Neural and Genetic Correlates of Satisfying Sexual Activity in Heterosexual Pair Bonds. Brain and Behavior, 2019,
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/brb3.1289
What does all this mean, practically? We are still thinking about the ramifications of these findings.
If you think you might be on the high end of the variants that are associated with high sexual satisfaction, that's great but you may want to be patient and understand your partner if they seem not to be. As we say in our motto, Know thy Brain, Know Thyself, Know Thy Partner. Your partner may need a little more help and experience to make it better. Or, just accept that they will never find sex as satisfying as you do. It doesn't mean that they don't LIKE sex a lot. Almost everybody does.
If you think you might be on the low end of the variants associated with high sexual satisfaction, you can take that as something to accept-- that's you. But also, you can search for ways to make sex special for you and your partner. Increasing your feelings of trust and attachment may help.
Cheers! We hope you enjoyed this. More on this topic is coming.
Lucy Brown
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